Enough

“You alone are enough.

You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

-Maya Angelou

When the words pour out of my mouth, streams of confusion and illusions of how and when and how again. This spiraling string of emotions so connected so disconnected to – me – my ties to everything and everyone I love, for I bleed with my open heart in hand. I try to show it sometimes but the fear I wear like a cloak, a veil, I still play behind the pantomime, I do the talk and the walk and all the faces they are smiling. Again I try to reconnect to the stream of conversation, daily day stuff, all the little things, but I sway, I drift, further and further away. I want to reach out to you, hope you catch my hand before I fall, again. But it’s like the glow in your eyes has changed. They dimmed, started to look weary and accusing. You say- just show me every day- and I sink down in my little cave where I hide, where I try to heal, the cave that gives me shelter from the storm.

I stare up at the stars. I close my eyes and dance with them in my dreams. I feel weightless and free, from all my fears, from my regrets. Peaceful moments of tranquility. Everything is just right. And there is no need to put on show, persuade or elaborate, just the trust that what is – it is enough.

Tonight I am

My face jagged

It doesn’t line up

It’s all a big mess just like the inside of my head

Leaning on the great old craftsman Picasso

That artist knew how we feel and see the world sometimes.